I’m doing ok today. I fell asleep last night at 7:30 instead of 6:30. I slept all the way until 4:40. I was kind of drowsy when I woke up like I had a med hangover but I didn’t take anything extra. I did go to bed on a sort of empty stomach. I had a little bit of salad that was really good and then a white cheddar rice cake. When I woke up this morning I finished the rest of the salad. I had a candy bar too with the salad. Gotta keep up with that variety so I don’t fail.

I went out to do my weekly shopping. I only found chocolate rice cakes. There’s still this weird shortage of them. I got a couple salad kits that are summer flavors. One of them is the kind I had last night. The other one is a blueberry summer salad. Then I went to a gas station and found 3 small bags of the new flavors of Lays Chips. They are dusted with other flavors of chips. One is funyon, one is Cheetos, and one is cool ranch Doritos. The cashier was kinda talking to me like I was a little kid and she said “are you going to try all of these?” And I said “yeah” and then she said “make sure you tell your grandma how they are” my “grandma” was my mom. I know she had me when she was 41 but I don’t think she looks that old. I think it’s me. I’ve been told I dress young. Well sometimes all that fits me is stuff meant for teenagers. I was also told that I have the body shape of a college student.

But today I feel ok overall. I’m not stressing too much about the surgery. I mean it’s still almost 2 months away there’s no point in stressing about it this early. I emailed my therapist yesterday afternoon since she told me I could after I heard something. She hasn’t gotten back to me yet but she usually takes a couple days to respond. I honestly don’t have the feelings I do for her that I had with my transference T. I wish I knew what the difference was. My current T is actually prettier then my transference T and she says the same stuff that when transference T would say to me would make me super horny. but I just don’t feel any attraction to this therapist at all. I don’t get why my feelings for transference T were so intense.