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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
I’m sure you have abandonment issues and that’s something to work on.... but framing it that way kind of makes it sound like you think a healthier person would be Just Fine. I don’t think that’s the case. Most people need to grieve the loss of a very important relationship (which this was, right?) and grieving is normal and healthy.
So maybe just give yourself space to feel that grief and give yourself the compassion that you’d give a friend who just experienced a romantic break-up, a death, or another major loss.
It takes time. Feeling as crappy as you do is not evidence of some pathology in you. It’s a good thing that you’re able to form attachments that are worth mourning when you lose them. Just take good care of yourself and be gentle with those feelings. The intensity of it lessens with time.
Also re: the suicidal ideation, often when I feel that way it’s because feelings are overwhelming and I can’t get any distance from them. But pain, as sucky as it is, is just pain. It comes and goes but it isn’t you.
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Thanks for the reply, Favorite Jeans.
Blaming myself for suffering so much is definitely coming from my very loud inner critic. That's always been a work in progress.
The biggest problem I have with all this though is feeling the pain, and feeling this type of pain over and over again. I want it to stop so badly. Yes, I know it'll (hopefully) end eventually but it seems that I'm just waiting for the next person I am so attached onto to leave or die and go through it all over again, as that has been the pattern in my life. I'm really hoping my long-term therapist will not be leaving in some shape or form, and this is a worry which I have expressed to my ex-T on many occasions.
I completely agree with your experience with suicidal ideation. The same happens for me when I feel completely hopeless and want to stop whatever is happening.