Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild
T was getting on me, saying that I shouldn’t feel resentful because I didn’t set sufficiently clear boundaries with them. But it’s not like they asked me when would be a good time and we mutually agreed on a date; they just told me when they were coming and expected me to be available.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild
I could have said that I wasn’t going to see them every evening or could have refused to see family on my one day off (Sunday). The reason I didn’t is because whenever I set boundaries with my mother she explodes and becomes intolerably over-emotional and demanding and that causes me suffering; the suffering of being exhausted seeing my parents is less than the suffering of my mother in that state. (She’s got me trained pretty well, huh?)
I get that it’s my responsibility to set boundaries, but it’s also my mother’s responsibility to listen to me when I tell her not to come, and to behave like a frigging adult.
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You are allowed to feel resentful. You may have been able to do something differently that wouldn't have led to you feeling resentful, but your feelings are valid regardless.
Also:
The only way to set a boundary is to say what
you will or will not do. You can't control the other person. But then the tricky part is to be about to withstand the emotional outburst or other consequences without feeling like it will destroy you. It gets easier over time, but it can feel intolerable at first, especially with your parents.