I'm only healing in the sense that I learned to get better at believing my own lies. But this whole trip has been nothing but an eye opener to my end. I've had nothing but misfortune after misfortune and I think it's time that I finally come clean with family and friends and seek help before I do anything else to harm myself. I know that sounds like the right idea, but it's idealistic.

Realistically, I'll just bury everything deep inside again, like I always do and then just wait until another disaster brings out the demons. I don't know how much longer I can take of that. I still think about things that happened to me when I was eight, or last week, or now.

I'm going to email this therapist I was thinking about meeting with and tell her I want to setup a meeting in august. I now it's far from now, but at least I can have a set date to look forward too (in both joy and fear).

I like your optimism, it helps.