Anger is another thing I trouble with...I never get angry. My T told me that you don't have to get angry to be angry but still I am never angry. Then we proceeded to have a discussion why anger is important and natural. I was countering his point with one of my intelectualizations, which is what I'm best at. One thing I've learned, never argue with your T about feelings because you're going to lose.

I don't know why I keep holding back. Is it because feelings scare me, is it because I think having them is too intense for me and I'll break, or is it because feelings remind me of the horrible times I went through. In other words, are feelings themselves a reminder of the trauma????

This "feels" like head banging to me.

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So when your T asks you, how does that feel, how do you feel about that, or how does that make you feel, even mouthing the words might be scary for you.

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I just go blank, my anxiety peaks. I often wonder whether I'll be able to feel again. Right now it seems helpless