Think I envy all of you "Who's" who have such a great T and a great working relationship with them. I still haven't got a new one. Think my time is coming...I know it is. For now, all I have is my primary care doctor. He is very good, but I really think his notes on me are "harsh" regarding my mental status because that's how all the other doctors react to reading his notes! After my appointment with another guy in his office yesterday, naturally I bombarded my regular doc with messages and emails for the rest of the day. I wasn't mad, but disappointed maybe, that this other guy would jump to my psych status so quickly and about try to turn the appointment in to a social services liaison. I explained my side and view of things so he'd hopefully understand. I pretty sure he would. And maybe even think more about how he presents himself and how he writes his office notes. I'm sensitive--I don't like the stigma of having mental issues following me around medical appointments for legitimate physical complaints! It relates to my PTSD too. I reminded and explained to him how it does and relates to being with doctors--especially in the past two years after I saw someone else in his office for something. He should certainly understand that one after my reminder/explanation of it again. I'm sure he gets annoyed with all the emails and messages. But I explained that too. It relates to the PTSD. It's very important to me know that someone believes me, what I say, and accepts it, as a truth. My mom denied when something happened to me as a kid. Two years ago a different doctor in the office would only say "nothings wrong" with no explanation or anything, just totally did NOT believe or listen to a thing I had to say! (Well, I've since "proven" otherwise after being in the hospital twice for unrelated problems after all that.) I mean, these are DOCTORS for gosh sake! They are important people to us and we count on them, we trust them, to believe what we say our symptoms are and to heal and make us feel better. Kind of like we would our mom when we were kids. Mom was there with the band aids and to give us medicine and get thrown up on. Like we go to doctors. My doctor is pretty good with psych, I think, but he's certainly not trained for it. He's internal medicine. I think despite how well he actually does, he seems to have a really hard time understanding me. I joked once and blamed that a small part of it was probably a gender issue, LOL! Doc or not, Men understand Women?! Anyway, I thought he could use more reminders about working with me--so our doctor/patient relationship *works*. I can see today that he obviously got all my emails and messages. I can only assume that his "remark" of opening an appointment on his schedule means he understands. I know it helps to remind him of everything. I need to every so often. I know he's anxious for me to have psych care but he needs to understand more as well, like how the psych stigma affects me and does NOT help me do that. Instead it tells me that's who I am. If that's the doctors' opinion of me, then why should I change? You know? I'm sorry to make this so length, but as it comes down to it, all I've got right now is my primary doctor and I know he tries and that he *Cares*. He probably just gets frustrated, doesn't always understand, and needs reminders sometimes. I am very lucky to have him for my primary doc. He's taken a lot of email "crap" from me that not all or perhaps many doctors would. And like I said, I do know for a fact that in his heart, he really cares about me. Sometimes I get frustrated and think I'd be better without him, to start out new with someone else, but in reality I'm not sure I could find another doc so quickly or easily with his same characteristics. Like what MissCharlotte said in her post, it's like taking your T "out of the bag" and yourself too. Going in the bag, I think, is like hiding from those feelings. So I'm really better off staying with him, someone who knows me and I know cares about me. I know he *really* cares. He's learned so much about me from all of my "illegal" off the record emails that he does seem to take things a bit more personal with me like a friend, but still professional. Even though I don't have a T, at least I've got someone trying to do double duty and still be there for me. Um, between his frustrations with me? I guess. LOL? Thanks, Doc JR!