Just like I sensed a few months ago when I started battling with depression symptoms, I feel as if the world is going to hell once again. So first it’s been some tension with my parents over my different bedtime routine I keep from them and increasing pressure to find a job. All the while when it seems like even with my education I don’t have the skills or attitude necessary to even hold down a decent part time job. This is when I have held so few jobs and have had so little experience that I don’t even know how demanding a job is or how much training I will get. I want to see friends to help improve my mental health but im meeting resistance when it comes to getting together with this closer friend out of state, because my parents are being selfish in not wanting me to do that trip but go on a family trip, where the last few have been rife with unnecessary problems and drama. All while I just want some time to myself after nearly a year of unchanging scenery and being with my folks, whom I still love but I’m increasingly getting tired of being around them constantly.

Just when I thought I was safe from the pandemic having shots of Moderna, the CDC changes their masking rules to where if you don’t follow their rules then you’ll either get sick or die. I’m left in a panic because even though grandma is vaccinated with Pfizer, I worry about infecting her. This was the case in all of 2020 for me, when continued isolation and fear of even seeing friends to avoid possible exposure has made me more crazy. Now all these steps I’ve been taking in order to see friends again and return to normal are going down the drain, again just like 2020.

So it looks like the most important lesson I’ve learned that the only way to go through life is to be very afraid and be constantly disappointed in others who say they have good intentions but are either annoying or turn out to be toxic.