I wish there was some advice I could give you. Some of what you wrote sounds familiar to my current situation and I know how tiring it all can be to deal with. I understand.

The only thing I might offer is, what could you do today to make today a tiny bit better? It doesn't need to make your day the greatest ever, just better than yesterday. Maybe some new food to try, or going some place you've always wanted to go, or maybe just 5 minutes alone outside. All any of us have is today. I think if the pandemic has taught us anything it's that there is no guarantee of tomorrow. So trying to make today better is probably a better use of your energy. I struggle with this too, so I know it's not easy. But might be worth a try.

Sorry that you're feeling this way. I do understand feeling paralyzed by fear. It's exhausting. I do wish you good luck though.