Im not seeking a divorce or separation, but I have felt like the relationship is difficult enough to warrant it. I have wondered if my husband would be better off with someone else that will irritate him less than I do (if that person could even exist). He claims to love me and be happy with me, but he shows annoyance and aloofness towards me enough that I truly am confused. Because of the way he behaves, Sometimes I have expected at any moment he will say he wants a divorce. Yet he doesn’t. I’ve brought divorce up a couple times to see if it’s what he wants, and he says he doesn’t want it.

I realize in reading the above that I might sound like i am not thinking about this subject in the right way. I feel like the situation is complicated because he has mental illness that may explain why he has treated me like horse*** so often. he manipulates me (more in the past) by mocking my feelings about things he says/does that are hurtful. He gets very self centered and obsessive and abrasive. Before I had a few years of therapy, I spent so much time catering to his happiness and needs/wants, and trying to be supportive of him, even to my own detriment.

He has such a naive view about us. I’ve asked for counseling with him, and he just says he doesn’t have the capacity and isn’t interested. The way our relationship works from my view is that I stay out of his way, expect little as far as family activity or taking care of the home, and avoid fighting as much as possible. It’s suffocating me.

I love and care about him, but then again I ask “how” since he has treated me so badly in the past and is still combative towards me currently. I don’t feel love or cherished in my heart, but my head tells me I am but that my partner has issues so I can’t expect good treatment. I can only expect not to be treated too poorly.

He’s a jerk so often. He has a good heart blah blah blah but acts so rude it’s mind blowing sometimes. He rarely accepts responsibility/acknowledges his poor behavior. He blames and projects and it’s exhausting. He won’t get his own counseling or anger management because he is not emotionally stable enough to, or maybe now thinks he is past all those problems anyway.

I’m so burned out in most aspects of my being. I look like a sad person now and I can’t hide it. I feel painful loneliness. My husband does not care how I feel if it has anything to do with him. It only aggravates him and makes him defensive, which I get it’s delicate. If I do assert boundaries, it only works if I tell him to piss off and then I walk away. Any type of attempt at dialogue results in nonsense.

He gets short with me anytime he feels like it, and has no care how I would feel about him being that way. All that matters to him is how he feels. He is easily overwhelmed by the most basic marital topics and over the years has being completely unwilling to discuss what I would consider basic things. His view is not to ask not to worry and to stay out of his way. Even when he’s squandered all our funds, I have no say. His mental illness is in charge.

He is medicated thankfully.

I really need counseling again at this point and am working towards that, but in the meantime maybe I can find a support group and I am venting here.

He was being stupid last night, and I got extremely flustered and almost ragey towards him, telling him to back off and to stop projecting things on me. It was one thing after another of him getting annoyed with me, defensive, accusatory about really ridiculous stuff…I was so flustered I had to go on a walk to get away.
I said to him that I can’t please him I’ll never be good enough or give enough to be treated well and that I can’t make him happy and only he can do that for himself. He texted me saying it’s ridiculous that I think I’m trying to please him, and that he asks nothing of me.

I reiterated that I can’t please him, and he asked me “what pleases me?”
Like I should know or care, or is he quizzing me on his needs? I don’t get it. It’s a weird way of love