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Originally Posted by NaoSky
I’m currently going through a depression after having a manic attack and then hypomania from April to May, it sucks! I was just getting over a 7 month depression to then go into mania again. So far I’ve had two manic attacks and now two depressions. I thought I had finally accepted this illness and wanted to be happy but little did I know I was climbing into mania. I feel like my brain is just teeter tottering and and I’m so worried that I will go through it again.
On the first attack I split up with my husband and had to work with cps. Then I got back with my husband to only lose him for good on the second attack. So now we are officially going through a divorce and it kills me. It’s making my depression even worse knowing that my marriage will be over in a couple of months. I tried my best to beg him back but the damage of what I did was too great. I don’t think he will ever let it go. Now do I end up alone? I’ve been in back to back relationships my entire adult life, it’s always how I got over a previous relationship, but this time I was married so I don’t want to do that. Besides, I don’t see many people lining up to be with someone with a mental illness unless maybe they have one themselves. What do you even tell someone when you go on a date? Do you hide it from them in the beginning or tell them up front right away. I know when I’m manic I tell everyone I have it, but I’m discreet when depressed unless it’s to someone I trust.
I’m waiting to hear from my therapist for an appointment. I need to talk to someone else besides my friends and family. I talk about it too much with them that I feel like a broken record. I just don’t know how to get the memories out of my head. I keep thinking about my husband and all of the good times we had. He won’t be my husband anymore and I’m trying my best to move on. It’s also been an adjustment sharing custody of our 3 year old. I just can’t believe we won’t be raising her together like I had always dreamed before I got pregnant. I feel like my dreams were crushed because of bipolar and I’m back in the angry and depressed stages.
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Marriages are tough with no mental illness involved almost 50% fail and roughly 90% fail when Bipolar is involved. Just seeing the numbers is mind blowing to me..
I wasnt diagnosed Bipolar until age 43 but when told my life flashed before my eyes and I said " oh that explains" everything.
My first marriage ended for a variety of reasons. I also never expected to get divorced.
My second marriage hit a horrible rough spot but somehow we were able to salvage it.
Im glad you will be talking to a Therapist.. You need help to manage such a huge change in your life. You will also need to learn how to forgive yourself for all of it. Of course you won't forget but you can't keep beating yourself to death over, That will take time and kindness to yourself.
My daughter was 5 when we divorced. Her Father and I had to learn how to co-parent.. That can be hard especially at first but for us it did get easier. Your seeing a Therapist can help you manage those challenges also.
What now? You need to focus on finding stability and learning every coping skill you can..
Talking to loved ones about your Bipolar? I think the surface stuff is okay.. Like Oh I am feeling overwhelmed. I'm not sleeping well. I'm feeling down.. But family and friends honestly wont have much advice as they don't understand how living with Bipolar is. It can often burn people out. Actually I don't really talk to my husband about how I am Bipolar wise. If I am really not doing well I give him a heads up.
That is why having a Therapist is very important for YOU. My Bipolar takes up very little space in my marriage. I have my T and close friends that have Bipolar that I can talk to and they " Get it"
As for down the road and if you were to start dating someone? I do not feel the Bipolar card needs tossed out from the start. You might be on date 4 and realize he just isn't anyone you would want to go on date # 5 with.. You are not just " Bipolar" If your seeing someone for a while and its going well then of course that needs to be brought into the relationship. A Therapist can help you with how to tell another person about your particular Bipolar. We might all have the diagnosis of Bipolar but everyone's is different.
I hope that you will give yourself the love and kindness you need to heal and go on with your life even if its not how you had pictured it to be..
Take care
