I totally understand your situation. I also agree that, to a degree, there must be a "love me or or leave me" attitude. However, there is also a limit to such overreactions. So we must try to curb them, if at all possible. Effort counts. Effort meaning applying therapy and taking medications, if warranted.

Unfortunately, men often get away with extreme reactions more often than women. When some men go ballistic, it's them being a tough guy with lots of testosterone. A woman? Hysterical, way out of line, and therefore more severely judged by both men AND women. In my case, women were particularly judgemental!

There has been almost equal parts nature and nurture behind my past (and sometimes still present) overreactions. I have come a long way in curbing it, though. It was/is necessary!