Have you tried asking your wife what she feels when she behaves this way?
What have you done to become your wife's friend?
Everyone's advice is going to be tainted with their own experience. I'm asking these questions because I wish someone would ask my husband that. I'm sure he tells himself a similar story to what you tell yourself. Although I have never broken anything - I'd have to clean it up, so that's the inhibitive factor - I have certainly had times where I screamed at him out of desperation, humiliation, agony, and hope. There have been moments that I thought he was close to trying therapy or just sitting down for a conversation. Instead all we have had is emotionally charged battles that lead to more hurt, and hurt, and hurt. He feels that he has given it time and if things haven't improved, then there is no chance. I feel that we haven't done anything productive and meaningful for recovery and for growth in our relationship. But I'm also too hurt to get us through it alone. I can't turn off how humiliated and abandoned I feel when he does the smallest thing that takes me back to those feelings of rejection. I'm just sharing this because I wish someone would help my husband see my side and stop telling himself this story. You may have nothing to relate to this with, but I hope it helps you and your wife.