Dear 'new???' T,

Hmmmmm. Not sure what to say really. Thank you for replying to my email. That you are willing to take the time to do so will be helpful to me I think. I think. I really don't know what I am doing here. I feel TOTALLY out of my depth! Last time I had to do this at least I had Old T to bounce ideas off. I guess maybe I am still not as good at reading situations/reading people/reading myself as I would like to be. I do think this is going to take some time. How the hell someone is supposed to tell if the therapist is someone they can work with in just 30 minutes is absolutely beyond me. It seems a crazy idea to me. I think it will take me weeks. Last time I did this I saw three people on and off for about 2 months before I finally decided which one to go with!

This si so important to me. Secrets so closely guarded that I am not going to just spill that to someone without being ABSOLUTELY sure they are the right person. My T was the right person. Is the right person. I am kicking myself for not getting this done quicker. I'm not usually one for regrets but I do regret not covering this ground with her while I had the chance.

I was going through my old art journals today, and I think I will let you see them. The old ones. Not the current one. That is not for public viewing yet. Again, I need to make sure you are the right person first. But the old ones would help me to explain to you the journey that I have been on, or some of it at least. It would lead into my relationship with T and the hurt and anger I am feeling for the way things have been left between us. That isn't so deep. That can be shared.

Bouncing back a bit, the emails are important to me because in the moment in the session I am quite cut off sometimes I think. I can't give you real answers. I can't be open. I can't hear you or see you all that easily. Once I come home I have time to process everything that I remember and thoughts, feelings, ideas, honesty comes. If we don't have the ability to communicate outside of the session I am then stuck with that, only to repeat the cycle next time we meet. I am willing to try that with the other lady that I have a few sessions booked with but in all honesty I am drawn to your flexibility and I am drawn to your openness to communicate in this way by email.

We may need to have a discussion about your experience though, as it is on my mind. That said, your liveliness, while new to me, may be a good thing. My T did say that I needed someone with enough energy to be able to do this work with me. She sees how committed I am to doing it and needs someone who can match that back to me. Maybe we just see how it goes, hey?