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Depressed for the first time since Winter.
I felt lonely so i dressed up pretty and went out to attend the dog-party with my neighbors mid-afternoon. Only one came out and it was a quiet one. I didn't have any fun and felt lonelier still.
I came in and chatted to a decent neighbor briefly but she was rushing off so i did not detain her. I went down to the convenience store and bought a 235 gram bag of chips. I ate half of them. Then a box of crackers.
Clearly, i am overeating for emotional reasons. It the inability to manage my emotions that triggers the eating. It'll be three to six months before i can get in to see a specialist.
I don't know what to do in the meantime. I feel so alone and isolated and ignored.
I feel like i'm crashing after all. I don't know how to get myself a daily supply of company. Call Patti, i guess. She said she's all alone with her TV. Maybe she would LIKE to keep me company?
It's too late for today. Tomorrow i have that darn immersive exhibit of Vincent Van Gogh's art. Another solitary experience. I would never have described myself as social, but i find myself hungry for human contact and everyone already has their social life arranged.
There's no room for me.
Listened to Neil Young's "The Needle and the Damage Done," a cut from "Decade," his three-disc greatest-hits album that was my brother's last gift to my family before he died. I'm the only one who listened to it. I know every word, searching for clues and they are there.
Struggling.
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