@BethRags:

Yeah, Neil sure understands.

I feel the exhibit will be joyful, not overwhelming. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow, if i feel it was worth the money. My ticket was $35CDN. You only have an hour because of COVID.

I feel slightly better after lying down. I sure can't rest like i used to, for hours. I'm too restless. I made the Summer's first iced coffee. It was good. I put down my blackout curtain and shut the world out.

If i crash, it'll still be okay because i lasted five weeks longer into the Summer than i ever have before. I'll just have to be more purposeful about arranging my social life. I wish someone would take the initiative with me, but i guess three have lately, so it's not like i'm NEVER the one invited out. The inability to plan really ruins a vigorous social life. I've been asked to two events and had to say 'maybe' because i never know where i'll be with my health.

It's occurred to me that the improvement in my health might be related to COVID anxieties being over, in which case it'll be temporary. I'll just have to see. No one has a crystal ball.

My birthday is coming up on the 21st and it's a big one, 55, i finally qualify for a vibrant seniors center and will get to meet a whole bunch of new people and have somewhere to go during the daytime. I'll also get the seniors discount!!! I doubt i'll do anything to celebrate my actual birth day and it's doubtful anyone else will so i'm kind of dreading the day itself.

Also discouraged because it was Louise's birthday today (my closest neighbor) and she'd turned down my offer of a celebration a couple weeks ago saying she "doesn't celebrate her birthday," but i saw her late afternoon in party gear so she definitely celebrated her birthday, just not with me. Feel rejected.

So that are my key food binge triggers:

1. loneliness
2. rejection
3. boredom

They're all mixed together because if i try and solve the loneliness and boredom by socializing i risk rejection.

Aah, it's all a ball of wax.