I saw a doctor 4 days ago and after some hoops to get my prescriptions filled, I've been taking Prozac and Hydroxyzine. He gave me some other pain stuff for my back (the reason I went in) but it all but stopped hurting, or at least stopped catching my attention. Weird how I spent months worrying about it and as soon as I see the doctor and he said it's just going to take time at my age, the pain diminished.

I'm sure it's probably the flux created by the meds, but I still feel pretty anxious about my health and almost feel like I'm just waiting for the universe to get it's final revenge on me. Part of me feels like I wish the universe would hurry up and take me, and part of me wants to at least live another month until my next birthday, just to spite the universe. I've spent the last decade worrying about dying at the same age as my father and now we're in the final month before I outlive him in years. I've already outlived him in days.

Anyway, again I think it's probably just the weird adaptation period of starting Prozac, but I almost felt better before starting. Also now, every other ache and pain is getting my attention as the next thing that will likely kill me, after dozens of others have failed to do so. I hate that my brain can switch threats the minute one seems to have been dealt with. When will this ever end? Will I have this anxiety for the rest of my life?

Edit: My sleep was better the first 2 nights after starting the meds, but last night was just like it was before. That might also be part of the problem today.