I was diagnosed with complex PTSD a few months back due to childhood SA. The crazy thing is I have been fine for years.
I did go through a stage of extreme anxiety and panic attacks in my early teen years, to the point I could not even leave my home. It was living He*l.

My parents didn't get it and never took me for help, so I basically dealt with it alone. It took about two years of coxing myself and I was finally able to do it, gained the confidence I needed to talk myself out of things and to just go for it. I was finally able to leave my home, now you can't keep me in the house

Anyways, its been years since I have had a panic attack ect...but last semester I had taken a required psychology class and things really started brewing. All kinds of stuff from my past that I had never talked about with anyone, started surfacing.

I kept going...... trying to push it out of my mind but I couldn't do it any longer. I started feeling really down and out. I finally made the decision to see a counselor for the first time in my life. I was freaked about it but I did it.

It took a few weeks before I was finally able to tell my counselor about one of the incidents.....and then it started, I started to feel this panic again......I kept telling myself, I can't do this, I can't go through this again.....after having a panic attack, I talked to my therapist about it.
All the anxiety was causing my grades to go down....so my therapist decided to lay off of the sex*al a*use talk and deal with other issues in the process. It worked, I actually did much better on the following exam.

Now I am done. I take my last final exam on Monday.....and I am so worried about having to start dealing with the Sex*ual a*use again. I don't want to end up worse off. I have begun to have nightmares again ect....
I don't take meds though my school counselor and my psychology teacher thought I should, that it would make the therapy process easier. I still don't feel comfortable with the idea of taking meds...so I haven't....especially seeing I was able to deal with panic before without meds...though it did take some time. I have not had a panic attack since we stopped talking about the SA......but it scares me into not wanting to talk about it.
I know I have to deal with it.......but I don't know why I am so scared, I am a stinking adult for goodness sake.....why can't I just get over it an let it out.......WHY AM I SO AFRAID

Hanging on