A problem with this is you sound like you want her as a healing agent rather than as a friend or partner.

I think a main goal is to get to a place where you don't have a therapy-like need for her.

This is part of what one would mean I think by working on yourself.

It was great to read that you are restarting therapy and, most importantly, addressing drinking. It was after a few beers that you sent those messages. Alcohol will continue to drag you down until you free yourself from it.