So Sorry for what is going on! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that you may want to explore this behavior perhaps with a therapist. It is good that you're acknowledging this because it means that you can start working on it. Do not let this realization discourage you but rather take it as a start for a better way of Life. So Sorry if this post isn't really Helpful but i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @BigBubba, Your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!