TW everything.

I lost 6 kg in a few months. I'm a 1m67 and weigh 50. I want to weigh at least 48. It's difficult because I am already skinny and don't want to ruin my metabolism. Any ideas?

I used to SH, it's a replacement. Otherwise I am unconvinced that I am sick if I don't look sick. I SH for ten years and have not in almost two. I fight the compulsion to do something else every day and this has been the alternative. I know the long term effects. I think some people were born suffering. If I cannot see my suffering then I feel I am inventing it. I also need to punish myself for being imperfect. I wish I was the version of me I want to be. I work towards it all the time but I am tired and cannot work anymore. I can't fit into many of my clothes anymore. That is not good enough of a job on the scale however.

I have been in treatment for ten years. I feel beyond help. I have a deep sense that I was accidental. I think about life too much and why I am here. I have a passion and people I love so I am staying here for the time being but I need to slowly destroy myself so that I know my suffering is not fake. That way I can continue living but I have to punish myself for when I do not work hard enough or reach my goals.

Thanks everyone