I'm sorry I can't go back and respond to ppl right now. I basically had a complete breakdown yesterday. I lowered my zyprexa so I can lose weight. That was 3 months ago. I've been trying to deal with insurance issues for 4 business days! I was up for 28 hours. I've probably spent 12 hours trying to get it figured out. I couldn't take it anymore and finally took a 5 mgs to try and get more sleep.
Well I saw my therapist today. I was telling him how I was just a bundle of nerves and I absolutely couldn't calm down yesterday. It's a long story but when I was 19 I joined an organization. I was sexually, emotionally, spiritually extremely abused there. I'm not the only one. Anyway in 2011 I had a complete psychotic break. I have no memory for about 10 days. It was over me being abused in this organization and a website that was trying to expose them. I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with BP 1 and severe PTSD. Ppl didn't believe me about this abuse that goes on there. I have been dismissed by everyone! Ppl just can't believe that this would go on in this organization. Anyway my therapist believes me and just 2 days ago they hired a new therapist. Well she was telling my therapist how sick this organization is. He wanted to know about it bc I've told him a little about it. I can't believe that just 2 days ago they hired this woman!
Today I just couldn't stop crying when he got really calm and said I believe you.
It was such a relief! I couldn't stop crying.
I'm not going to do trauma work right now. I'm trying to lose weight and I think I will get off track. He said when I'm ready he will do it with me.
I'm so completely overwhelmed with my son, my mental illness, my sisters death. Just completely overwhelmed. I am going to see about going on perphenazine. I can't increase the zyprexa again. I absolutely can't lose weight at a higher dose.
I just feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It's funny but I didn't really want to work with him bc we have different political views. But hes one of the best therapists I've ever had. I hadn't cried in like 2 years. He even did a grounding exercise to get me back in the present. Tonight I'm going watch titanic, it always makes me cry and have a nutritious meal.
I hope everyone is having a good day.