So Sorry about what happened and So Sorry for your Loss! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that hospitals can sometimes help and that a med change may also help perhaps. From what you wrote it still seems like you're struggling a lot. If things get bad again please do consider coming back. i know it must have been a scary experience for you perhaps but you do Live right now and that is what should matter. i Hope your Pdoc will contact you soon. Please do update us if possible if you want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @UpDownMiddleGround, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!