I’m doing ok today. I gave my mom my meds again last night. I just couldn’t fall asleep and I tried my time release melatonin. And that didn’t work. So I tried a pure zzz gummy melatonin and that didn’t work. Finally it was close to 10 and I felt like I was going to lose control of my anxiety and I asked my mom to hold onto my meds but to first give me a Valium and one of my other melatonin’s. I have 3 different kinds total. Then I turned on the music on my Echo and after the 3rd melatonin I fell asleep. I was just feeling guilty about the interview and I felt like I had wasted a huge opportunity because I didn’t listen to MSF or my mom. I think that’s why I had trouble falling asleep.

But I finally fell asleep and I woke up at about 6:15. I listened to about 1.5 episodes of my podcast. Then I went to a couple grocery stores and the library. I avoided the grilled cheese sandwiches this time. I do not want to make that into a habit every time I go. But then I spent $3 on sodas from Sonic afterwards. So idk. But right now I’m just waiting for a couple deliveries, I’m doing laundry, but basically I’m just procrastinating on doing any of my hobbies.

Edit: I really needed a Valium but my mom has them. My anxiety was really bad and I couldn’t find any in my med box I used for when I went on vacation. I had several there before. But I found a Xanax that I took.

I’m not sure how healthy it is to be mixing different types of melatonin and different benzos. Especially when the problem would be solved if I just ate a legit lunch and distracted myself in a healthy way.