I too struggle with this. I have actually forgiven my mom, but still struggle with the effects of neglect. I've actually split her into two people: the bad mom growing up, and the "friend"(?) in my adulthood. For me, she has the title of mom only because she gave birth to me, but her role is not my mother.

I've also always searched for a mother-figure pretty much my entire life. I can remember at 5 years old being more attached to my kindergarten teacher than my mom. Instead of crying being dropped off, I cried when it was time to go home.

I've been very lucky having several mother-figures in my life. They have helped in the healing process. They've taught me a lot about life and helped me find myself. Even L is a mother-figure for me. Sure she can't be my actual mother (though I have wished she could), but she does provide me with a lot that a mother would give: love, touch as in hugs and handholding, transitional objects, support, my cheerleader, advice when asked for, wisdom, knowledge, talking about self and life, etc.

What is it that you're most yearning for? Any of the things I listed? Something else? Maybe you can find that in your T. No, she can never be your mother, but she might be able to be a mother-figure. Have you talked to your T about this?

One thing that has helped me is this analogy: the absence or neglect of your mother left a huge black hole. You cannot fill that hole because you will never have a real mother. But what you can do is build around that hole. After awhile, the hole seems smaller and smaller. Imagine a hole in the middle of a town. You start building the town up with homes, business, skyscrapers. After awhile, it becomes a huge city, and the hole is small by comparison. You're already doing that! And that's the only way I know how to cope with the mother wound.