Hey

All my life I have never been at peace with myself and never really felt secure.
The self-hatred I harbored was so intense and came with a lot of anger that I felt the urgent need to do something against myself.
Self-harm in teenage years and later when I graduated drugs were my go to to get a handle of that anger.

The last 2 years I tried to work on myself, tried to accept myself in some way. I went from self-hatred to something like self compasion/ confidence. At least I thought that I was getting somewhere.

But when everything this semester did not work out(failed exams,failed projects) I found myself back in the same place of self disgust.

Even after all this work I did on me as a person I am still stuck in the same ****ing place. So I guess it is time to go to therapy(again).

I already have an appointment with a psychotherapist in a 2 weeks since depression and anxiety start to worsen again too.
But that is still a long waiting time and for something that is not even the start of therapy(I would still need to wait for a place to open up after three first-meeting sessions).

So until then I need to figure out how I will manage living with myself.

What can I do to manage all the ****** emtions that came up again?