Thanks Sarahsweets for the detailed advice. I really am losing my mind here. Some things happened today to make me think more about trying to get her into court for a mental health evaluation. I just can't figure out all the details.

The link with ADHD and clumsiness is that people with ADHD tend to be clumsy or get into accidents a lot. They actually have a lower life expectancy and are twice as likely as normal people to die young. Car accidents and workplace accidents are common when ADHD goes untreated. My sister was caught driving 20mph over the speed limit last year and she even claimed that her driving speed was not her fault (and told me to eat less to make up for the massive fine).

As a kid, I would tell my big sister to watch her step to avoid falling down all the time. She would reply that it's boring to watch your step and then she blamed everything else for the fact that she fell down all the time or bangs into walls and furniture (stills happens as an adult). I only recently learned that ADHD has many symptoms including lack of emotional regulation (explains the daily tantrums), low frustration tolerance, failing to start tasks such as work or housework, and lack of impulse control. The last one explains why she would give me a murderous shove from the top of a staircase or into a road if I blocked he way. And some ADHD blogs say those with the condition cannot learn from experience. Which would explain why she makes the same mistakes over and over and never learns to change her behavior. It's all very sad, but since she can control herself around other people, I know she is aware that her actions around me are wrong. She also takes after our narcissistic parent by being an entitled bully at home but acting normal in public.

I do sometimes consider putting her mess in her bed as you suggested, but that's what was done to me by a parent who always blamed me for my sister's messes. If she didn't clean the cat litter box or left trash in the yard, it got dumped on my pillow because our parents believe anything bad must have beem done by me. As much as she deserves her own crap on her bed, I don't want to be like my parents who were the lowliest lowlifes in the world. So that is one of the reasons my sister grew up be to entitled and lazy.

Money is the big issue stopping me. She persuaded me to go into business with her when inthought she was honest and and she controlled all the money from the start I wasn't even allowed a computer for 20 years so all the online accounts are in her name and I don't have most of the passwords. I don't get paid. She reports to IRS that I get paid a certain amount every year and all the money stays in a account that she controls. I think that's probably a crime but I can't report her because we are too poor right now to pay the fines forntax fraud. I'm just stuck working in order to have a roof over my head and food and medical care for my dependants. She doesn't treat other people the way she treats me because she knows they would leave her.

So she knocked something into the sink today and swore vehemently in front of me. I almost walked away, but instead I told her she has nothing to swear about if she isn't troubled with picking up what she dropped. She got nasty and said then she will never pick anything up again. I haven't lost anything because she never picked up after herself before. I'll just try not to let the viciousness of her comments ruin my evening.

It seems like an escalation but in the past, she has reponded to criticism with denials, lies, gaslighting, and verbal attacks and then stopped doing the thing she denied having done before. I think it's a narcissistic thing where they can't admit to being wrong, but once they deny something shameful, they don't want to be caught doing it again.

I really wish I could figure out how to sue her for the financial abuse and all the yelling, lying, and recklessness. She caused a dangerous situation today at work because I told her she had to take a certain precaution. She kept saying there was no risk. And when the thing she said wouldn't happen acutally happened, she claimed the she could not be held repsonsible for preventing accidents. Something has to change.

I did consider reporting her to the police but I couldn't go through with it. It's a weird thing about family. I hate her very guts but I don't actually want her to go to jail. But sometimes I wish she would get thrown in jail or sentenced to mental health treatment so she can learn to be accountable for her actions. I also wonder if I have a responsibility to stop her endangering herself. If she wants to do something potentially fatal, I would be tempted to stand back and hope her death will give me a decent life. I know that sounds horrible. I'm just really desperate. I spend most days debating whether to kill myself but I'd rather survive her and get a real chance at life without this burden.

Thanks for being supportive. I know I don't come off as a fun sort of person and my anger can make me sound mean. Thanks for being kind. Have a nice day.