I just sent an email to my transference T. I had a session with my Pdoc. I told him how rough it was not seeing her anymore. I asked if I could email her. And he said yeah. So I just sent a pretty long email to her. I didn’t beg to be taken back. I mentioned it once but I didn’t actually ask. I actually indicated that I knew it was not the best idea. I told her the truth about why tele sessions were hard. Because I wanted her to see the transition as it was happening so she could see who I was fully becoming.

So I’m not sure. This could either be a positive experience or send me straight to IP.

But my doctor says what I’m doing is just regular dieting. It’s not an ED. Which I’ve always thought it was. Just regular dieting.

But was it a bad idea to email her? I mean I don’t know what to expect. This could really really traumatize me even more then I already am about everything. Or it could give me the closure I need with her. But at this point I feel like there’s a 50/50 chance it could go either way.

Also my Pdoc didn’t say anything about my Valium. I didn’t bring it up he just said he’d keep my meds the same. So I guess I’m allowed to continue to use the Valium. I do feel stable with the meds and the doses I’m on.