I feel so bad about myself because i'm so overwhelmed with the activities of daily living. I just did a load of dishes so i'm not triggered by sights and smells of my alcohol and food binge. Then i emptied the two garbage cans in here that were overflowing.

I took a two-hour nap and fell asleep before this. I only sleep in the daytime a few times a year. I think it was the tryptophan in the milk i drank. I've only had one serving of milk and a small salad since my huge breakfast. I don't feel hungry but i feel a longing for food but i'm at my daily calorie limit.

It's so hard.

My psyche is very fractured. It's like i am somewhere between bipolar and DID. I never 'lose time' so it's not classic DID but it's beyond bipolar with the frequent changing of values.

I'm dieting for health, then i decide it's oppression. I'm sober because alcohol is a drug just like heroin, then i decide it's okay to cope with alcohol. I'm vegan because eating animals is amoral, then i'm an omnivore because we're the top of the food-chain and it's just natural.

I don't make any sense.

My life is chaos.

IDK. Maybe it's just borderline. Imna hang out on their forum for a while and see if anything resonates.