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I thought I'd make my reply here instead of the "other" thread because someone there has now made multipule posts expressing blatant disapproval for me.

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No doubt you're talking about me. I don't disapprove of YOU, I disapprove of the way you shake off any advise and help you have been receiving. The disregard for proven methods of changing one's perspective of themselves have been discarded as if they are lies. That is, in essence, what you are doing when you disagree with every bit of help you've been getting.

By no means have I been the only one to tell you just like it is. There have been several, but apparently you have signaled me out for whatever reason. Probably because I've been the roughest in trying to get through to you. Or was it maybe that you indeed checked out my picture and found me "ugly"? If so, I could care less because I know who I am inside. My looks don't matter to me. The people that love me here have told me I have a wonderful smile, despite the fact that some of my teeth are missing. The same people have seen the truly UGLY, inside part of me, but they still love me. What does that tell you? It's NOT looks! It's what's in your HEART! Yours is filled with negativity and that is what people see in 3D, therefore they stay away from you. We here don't because we understand where you're coming from. We are or have been where you are. God knows I have! The only good thing I got when growing up was plenty of affection but I was never told I was good, smart, loved, etc. In fact, I got exactly the opposite. As far as my mom was concerned SHE had failed at producing a viable human being because I wasn't HER only better! I was neglected, abused both physically and sexually by my grandmother, my dad and my first husband. I may have had something, whatever it was, but most of my boyfriends wanted only one thing; a one night stand and then they were gone. All most of them could see in me is someone to use. All of that really gives you a complex, ya know? I knew that all I was good for was for someone to wipe their ****** boots on!

Then I grew up. I was lucky enough to find a man friend who, for years, told me that no one deserved that kind of treatment. It took years for him to convince me and finally start establishing some BOUNDARIES for myself. That meant NOT BELIEVING the crap that I had been fed. That was the start. I started realizing that I wasn't the "faceless" peace of trash I had been made to believe. I stared looking inside of me and I found things I liked and I held firm to them. My thoughts were "If I'm faceless, if I'm stupid, if... AT LEAST I am warm, I am caring, I laugh easily." Then one of my cousins who had also been my grandmothers victim told me "You have a God-given sense of integrity." He is a minister and he is my first love because he was the only one that protected me from our grandmother. I HAD to believe him! "I HAVE INTEGRITY!! Not just integrity but a GOD-GIVEN INTEGRITY!"

Just like you think I'm "in" here, I'm "in" with most of the people I know. I still suffer rejection, I still feel like I'm being ignored. It hurts at first, but what the heck! In the long run, will it matter? No, because through my learning process, I've learned to accept compliments as well as critisism. I look at the critisism and see if any of it could be true. If I think there is a possibility that there's truth in it, I set about changing it.

But you see, the first step in my progress started with BELIEVING the GOOD that I was told about myself. And why? Because I hated being in the Isolated and Ignored position I was in.

When are YOU going to get uncomfortable enough to want to accept all the help that's been given you? Simply put, you like where you are because when you get lucky, you get a lot of pity. Poor substitute for acceptance and love!

Ok, now I'm done... as long as I don't read a little "anonymous" zing at me like the one I'm responding to now.

Oh, and BTW, I'm not so "in" that I haven't had posts deleted, been asked to take a brake from the board and been threatened with banning, ok? I'm not "IN." I'm loved by some of the members! There's got to be a reason why, no? It sure as heck isn't my looks!

<center> FINI </center>