So Sorry for your Loss and for what you're going through! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the wise and wonderful whatever2013 about being patient with yourself and giving yourself time to Grieve. It does seem like this situation is really taking a toll on you. i'd suggest to focus on yourself at the moment, i believe guys can wait for now. You need every help and assistance you can get. Definitely consult with your Pdoc if you don't think meds are working out. Also check yourself at the hospital if necessary. Perhaps try to find some new hobbies to distract your mind a bit. Please just do what is possible to keep yourself Safe. i think your health should be the priority right now. Reach out to Family and Friends if needed. Of course i think many would be glad to Help here also or i Hope so at least. Please do update us if possible if you want to obviously. Please be kind to yourself and others. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Miss Laura, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!