Just spent a month's worth of time in the IP House. Vraylar upped to 6mg, zyprexa added, valium added, lithium lowered, temazepam stopped. But here's the funny thing. There was a packaging error and they gave me 50mg of risperdal instead of 37.5 Had an allergic reaction that I don't remember and no one will tell me about other than "I got very sick.". Definintely had the worst psychosis of my life. I have almost no memory of three weeks and the memories I do have are false/never happened. I was extremely confused and disoriented during this time. Oh, I got lithium toxicity too (level 2.0) because I refused to eat for a week.

I'm back to functioning, but I'm not really better. I was relying on extra PRN valium to sleep but they didn't prescribe that extra bit hence me being up at 1am. I still SH'd in the hospital without anyone noticing but I think now that I have my normal coping skills back I can stop that.

I'm doing PHP to keep tweaking my meds. I'm still very paranoid of food. I hate being on 3 antipsychotics, but at least the zyprexa is only prn.

I wish I could say I'm happy to be home, but honestly other than seeing my cats, I'm not. I'm still very confused about what happened and mad about it. Two of the counselors became like a mother figure to me. A better mom, really.

Going forward, I'm going to stop eating again. I'm undeserving. Power's flickering so I'm just going to post this and maybe edit it later before I lose it.