Sending you virtual hugs, Sapien. Based on what you wrote, I must say that your situation still sounds quite worrisome. Please stay safe and be kind to yourself. Please tell the therapist and psychiatrist at the PHP exactly how you're feeling, including your desire to stop eating. I know these weeks have been hell, but things do get better in time.

I wouldn't dwell on having to take three antipsychotics at the same time. You're far from the only person who has. Years back, I had several month periods when I took three, simultaneously. And all three were part of my regular mix. But gradually some were reduced and some eliminated. That's because my illness was eventually eased. I have taken only one antipsychotic for quite a long while now.

Bipolar blackouts, during severe episodes, are not so very rare. Frankly, I only have clear memories of maybe five of my 10 psych hospitalizations. Clearly the periods of blackouts were traumatic periods. That's just what the brain does during such times, I guess. Perhaps sometimes for the best?