Dear MissLaura, I'm relieved that you continue to be medication compliant through all of this. Things would surely be much much harder if you weren't. I'm also glad that the Zoplicone has finally helped you get some sleep. That is so important!

BethRags and BeyondtheRainbow offered particularly good suggestions about the grieving process and needing extra support. Losing a loved one is just beyond horrible, and can definitely be destabilizing without the proper help. I know. Believe me! As for reliving the scary moment(s), that is unfortunately also common, but with time (as the grieving process progresses), beautiful memories do start to take over. It takes time.

No new or prospective boyfriend (or lover) will be able to take away your grief right now. So soon after your loss, please concentrate on yourself and don't dwell too much on these guys. I realize you are lonely. Definitely the pandemic exacerbates that for many of us. We're glad you checked back here. We care. I was happy to see your thread.