@Miss Laura:

Yes, @BeyondtheRainbow has an excellent suggestion re a grief support group. After my dad's death my mom attended "New Beginnings," a program run by her church for new widows and widowers. She said that it "saved" her. I surely was not of any help to her as her drinking got really intense at the time and i had little compassion for her.

I live in a big city and we also have a group called "Bereaved Families" for general grief matters. I hope such resources are available to you. It's really important to experience your grief in a healthy way or it will haunt you. I know what it's like to be haunted as i did not observe any of the rites-of-passage upon my brother's death and i still suffer from it forty years later.

It's important to not reject your grief and not indulge it, just to experience it without judgment and let it pass of it's own accord. It can and will pass. All things do. Just allow it to occur and be as gentle and kind to yourself during this time as you can.