Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone
Things are going downhill. Had a big cry last night. Have been on the verge of tears a lot. Usually when depressed I just go numb and can't seem to cry, even when it feels like I should. It's getting particularly hard not to take things personally, like the universe is against me (even more than usual). I've been stable for so long (like a couple years). On top of that, I was told something at work that let me know I (and my frustrations) contributed to coworkers quitting. So yeah, that I suck is confirmed.
I have put a rubber band around my wrist to snap every time I express frustration. I mean... I hate myself for it too. I just can't believe how many stupid things go wrong for me. It just never stops. It's exhausting.
But I've been informed that I 100% can't do it, so I don't know what else to do. It will be especially hard while depressed. The fact I talk to myself all the time very much does not help.
I just need to be someone else. If only...  |
Hi @
Innerzone. I'm sorry to read you're struggling right now. I've been in a very very similar position as you, in the past. Basically threatened after six of my colleagues went to HR about me. I was screaming, punching things, roaring, scaring people. You name it. Take my advice that if you feel you will worsen, consider asking your psychiatrist to write you a note for a brief medical leave/short-term disability. Or if you "do it again", so to speak, perhaps say that you need one. At the very least, some sick days and/or vacation, but ideally the other, so you don't exhaust that time off. They are supposed to be understanding in such cases. At least supposed to be.
Stepping away briefly is better than building up so much frustration and agony that you become a harm to yourself, as well. Rubber bands on the wrist can't always fight the bipolar beast! You know how it can leave you in the dust and take over.
You know, I'm going to confidently assume that your boss values your work, despite other issues. If they didn't, you probably wouldn't have even been given such a warning.