Mandy,
I just read your post and this thread. I too wish I could say something helpful and healing to you. Know that I, and many here, have been where you are, know how you are feeling. I have been in such emotional pain, feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, wishing there was a pill that would make it all just go away. In my struggle to heal, at times I have had whole libraries of self-help books, sought help from counseling (to little effect), prayed, and struggled to put one foot in front ot the other. Life is pretty good for me now, and I look back on these experiences as "growing pains" and periods of learning to become who I am. I am much older than you, and I envy your youth and the life you have ahead of you. So much you have to look forward to!
I've seriously pondered what I could say or suggest to you that might be helpful. It might sound shallow ....this suggestion...but a counselor once "ordered" me to read THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE. I did purchase the book, and only found "habit one" to pertain to me, but it was, and is, extremely helpful to me. It helps you take a step outside your feelings and survey your own reactions, responses. I read, reread, underlined, and memorized that one habit. I recommend it to you.
Love and healing thoughts.
Patty