I had a freak out this afternoon. I mean full blown sobbing meltdown kind of freak out that I haven’t had since March 2020. My mom looked so concerned and she never looks that way when I’m upset. But I’m never this upset. But I cannot go back to work when I’m feeling this way emotionally. I need to get the surgery done and then go back to work. I’ve been so all over the place with this but I truly believe this is the right decision. I texted my manager and I explained things to him and profusely apologized and thanked him for the opportunity. I haven’t heard back from him. So I’m not sure if he will reply or if he’s just done and that’s it. I just feel numb. But my stomach hurts so badly the way it always does 3 days before I’m supposed to get my period. The pain is the reason my insurance is paying for the surgery.

But basically right now I just feel a combination of sadness, guilt, and major relief.

But this was not the time to go back to work and I should have known better then to try.

Thanks for all your guys support. It means a lot to have MSF as a support system.

Edit: My boss did reply and he just said “ok. Thanks for letting me know” I don’t know if I expected him to say more. Or if he just didn’t know what to say. Or if all managers are the same. They care about how the store is run and their customers but rarely think of their employees. But he wasn’t mean and at least he didn’t reply with just “ok”