So Sorry for what you've been through also! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that it seems like you've been throuhg a lot and that you don't deserve any punishment so i Hope you won't punish yourself or anyone. Please do eat properly and do anything necessary to keep yourself healthy and Good. i think it is really good that you at least have some counselors to support you and hopefully you will be able to handle everything almost on your own. Take the meds as a necessary precaution and remember that the doses may not have to be so high in the future and some meds you may even be allowed to quit. i Hope things will improve really soon for you as well as everyone. Do update us if possible if you want to obviously. Do take care of yourself and others. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Sapien, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!