See

Idk

I seem to *almost* strictly follow my feelings. Except for the stuff that has a deadline or involves other people like doctors appts and whatnot.

Otherwise I’m literally living my life doing as I feel. I procrastinate so much and I find it unbearably hard and teeth-pulling to follow a schedule or list.

Some things I have made unknowingly a habit and routine. Like calling my dad every morning.

I feel so guilty doing this and living my life this way. It weighs heavy on me. Because my parents judge me for it. But so much of this way has become this way because of my ill mental health the last decade or more.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking I’m someone who is like this.

I don’t think this latuda is working either. Which is so not good as I’m pregnant. Nothing seemingly dangerous. Just low mood a bit and paranoia/delusions. Thought someone cooked a rat and spliced it up in my tamales and I couldn’t eat them anymore. Been sad and just idk. I’m supposed to start a higher dose in less than a week tho. So idk.