Things are going downhill. Had a big cry last night. Have been on the verge of tears a lot. Usually when depressed I just go numb and can't seem to cry, even when it feels like I should. It's getting particularly hard not to take things personally, like the universe is against me (even more than usual). I've been stable for so long (like a couple years). On top of that, I was told something at work that let me know I (and my frustrations) contributed to coworkers quitting. So yeah, that I suck is confirmed.

I have put a rubber band around my wrist to snap every time I express frustration. I mean... I hate myself for it too. I just can't believe how many stupid things go wrong for me. It just never stops. It's exhausting.

But I've been informed that I 100% can't do it, so I don't know what else to do. It will be especially hard while depressed. The fact I talk to myself all the time very much does not help.

I just need to be someone else. If only...