I've been up since 2:30am because I don't have the PRN extra valium that I had in the hospital. Wrote a couple poems, they feel very forced. God is a force. I'm having a hard time adjusting back to regular life. I want to go for a run but it's still pitch black out and that's one of the factors that led to the hospitalization. They're sure of my schizoaffective dx now. I am too because I'm not on drugs anymore. I need the sun to come up. I made a comfort box and I start PHP tomorrow. I'm scared of getting my injection after what the last one did. I thought I was drinking beers with the nurse in an apartment in Manchester. I remember seeing the city lights (we don't have that here). I remember getting lost in the woods too, and asking the nurse for help. I'm so angry now, I took 10mg zyprexa yesterday and binged. I ate stale cereal and a large sub and lots of things I forget, but I remember the cereal because it was stale but I ate it anyways because it's my favorite "snack cereal" and I remember the sub because I passed out while eating it and woke up and finished it. I feel traumatized by my last psychosis. Where is the sun? I should go to the park today. I should get a case manager and a functional support specialist too. They were recommended but my insurance at the time didn't cover it but I think it will now. I still get the unfamiliar feeling I vaguely remember and now ants just started crawling all over the screen, but they're not real but the bees are. They want to add a 4th antipsychotic temporarily.