@MickeyCheeky: thank you so much for your kind words. You are right about my self-esteem it is under normal levels, very low… and it has been for several years now. And even though I can still dream and project a good future is all in my head and I cannot take action, one because I believe people like me do not deserve this chance, or whatever I do I will fail, so the self sabotage is there. I also have a couple but unfortunately she is not the person I need or better said I am not the right person for her, she gets angry easily if something is not in its place and with my anxiety issues I cannot handle it. She requires attention.
It was wrong of me to get involved knowing I have so many issues.

I have to fight and try to move forward with my life even with someone I do not love, because I still love my ex wife and my kids. And this is driving me mad.

Thank you so much MC, you know my issue since some years now so I appreciate so much your words they fill a void somehow and give me hope

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