I completely understand. When the longing for a mother is so intense it's easy and natural to attach to someone who shows you care and attention. It's a pattern I've had all my life with different women - they were all very different people in very different circumstances - but it was always someone who showed me care and attention and the warmth I desperately craved because I didn't have it as a child. I kept going back places just to try and catch a glimpse of the person I was attached to. I'm so sorry that you missed the opportunity to say goodbye to the counselor, that's just so painful and missing someone is really hard at the best of times I don't know how old you are or your personal circumstances, but would seeing a counselor or therapist for weekly sessions be an option? There you can try and work through the pain and loss you're feeling and look at why you this way and maybe start to manage it. Obviously getting hospitalised just to see her isn't ideal although I do understand the temptation. Your feelings are less about this lovely lady and much more about the pain inside you, so taking care of you and finding the support from somewhere is important. Take care.