My husband has a step mum. She has 2 children. Her and her oldest no longer speak and havnt for over 10 years. Her youngest has been travelling for 2 years.
Her husband (my husband's dad) has a son from from a past relationship and they no longer speak.
When I met my husband, him and his dad and step mum were on bad terms and not speaking.. see the pattern here...

I've asked him why no one talks and he said he didn't know. I asked him why he fell out with him and he was very vague and I can honestly say I don't know why they did.

Anyway.... His dad is fine. He's just an old man. He kind and caring etc and adores his grandchildren.
His step mum smothers the kids, with physical love and gifts. Our youngest doesn't like to as she's overbearing.

She has high expectations. Eg, big gestures on special occasions, flowers chocolates card etc etc. We should call her and send photos of the kids a lot and we should all meet up as much as possible. Yes that woutbe lovely but it's not realistic. Her effort is minimal with us. She wants us to do the work.

We had a family BBQ and she didn't come. Apparently it was something to do with us not replying to a group message about some baking she'd done.

Now I dont enjoy being around people like this. Nor do I want my children round her. She's pretty childish and toxic.

She's a step... Step mum, step gran.

What would you do?

What can I say to my husband about this?