I'm really sorry you feel this way. I had anorexia as a teen and had some of the same feelings, about perfection and punishing myself. I's still all screwed up about food but it's in the other direction now.

I'm sorry you are suffering this.

Is there any chance you can get into some therapy for yourself? I'm not all that fond of therapists but have a referral in play to see one out of desperation but it will take three to six more months (Canada). Then i have to get assessed and interview the person and make sure they are not going to make things worse, as has has happened in the past.

It might be good to get the ball rolling NOW as it takes a while to get in to see someone.

I hope your suffering ends as soon as possible. Eating Disorders are tenacious buggers tho. I've been struggling with food for forty years now.

I hope we can both find some decent help.