I did a lot of masking over the years because it was apparent that I made others laugh at me or worse yet, hostile like what I did wasn't accepted. It's just those bad memories of feeling treated like I should change and conform to 'normal' standards and being made fun of for how I came across is what hurt me the most. Sometimes an innocent conversation or just seeing someone turned ugly rather fast. I just want to forget some of my younger years when it was so hard on me to not be able to relax around others when all I wanted to do was just to have a little fun. I remember the times I didn't feel accepted, and now I'm practicing self-acceptance but it didn't come easy. It seemed like I belonged much better in my fantasy world than I did with the world around me. I could tell something was off when I was in junior high. I just wasn't connecting at all. I was connecting to my inner world, not the people. So I was often perceived as selfish and my self esteem took a nose dive after a while. I realized that there are some who never accept you for who you are with this kind of problem.