@BethRags:

I cut my mom off several times when i had tremendously stressful events to prepare for, like writing a deferred exam i needed to pass for my university degree. I did it because i found my mom very triggering even if all she wanted to do was chat because it stirred up the legacy of trauma from my childhood with her functional alcoholism and her and my dad's role in my brother's death.

Just thought i'd share that with you so you might understand that your daughter is acting for her own protection and that while you might feel prepared to have a benign relationship with her now, she might have a different experience.

I always appreciated that my mom respected my wishes, even tho she told me when i got back in touch that she'd *wanted* to reach out. Alls i can say is that you do the same, out of care for your daughters judgment of what is best for her at this moment. She'll be in touch if she ever finds herself strong enough to interact with you.

A mother/daughter relationship is a very powerful thing and i know my mom did not understand how triggering she was to me but i always appreciated that she co-operated with me in my best judgment for what was best for me during those times i had to take a break from her.

Don't think of it as rejection. Just think of it as supporting your daughter and co-operating with your daughter in the way *she* desires at this moment. She'll contact you when she is ready.

@WindsThatBlow:

It's just as valid to say to your therapist that you are confused and overwhelmed as it is to say anything else. Your therapist is there for *you* and will help you tease apart the maelstrom of feelings you are experiencing, if they are competent. Don't be afraid to say you don't know how you feel exactly, or what help you think you need. A skilled therapist will be able to help you delineate for yourself what your status is.

I feel you on the frustration with medications. I'm also med-resistant. I've been on 30 different cocktails in my 30 years in the psychiatric system and they have been more harmful than helpful, including ruining my figure. I'm in the process of withdrawing from all meds.

I'm 85% off my benzo and just feel better and better, getting up early, not sleeping til mid-afternoon and having a chaotic day with what time is lunch, what time is dinner when i get up at 2:00pm?

I will say it is important to withdraw under a doctor's supervision. I have the support of my doctor and we are both pleased with my progress with my superfluous sedating benzo. We are in email and phone contact and he is there for me if i run into problems.

I've paused the taper twice then when i had events in my life to attend to and couldn't afford to be suffering from sleep-deprivation and my doctor supported me in these decisions.

I've been a benzo addict for 25 years, been in hair-raising withdrawal a few times when my life went to Hell in the chaos of my early 30s and am just so so so overjoyed to be finally getting rid of this harmful addictive narcotic at last, at last.