I was crying yesterday in my kitchen after getting off the phone with my Mom. My bio says a lot, but basically, I can't take any sort of comfort from her. My friends and roommates tend to downplay how I'm feeling. I told one of them some weeks ago about a panic attack I had. She laughed at me, honest to God.

I saw a therapist for brief period in college, but he tried to oppose my pov rather than helping me explore my feelings. So, I haven't really done therapy since and I can't really afford it. I once turned to my ministry for comfort. I ended up holding one of my friends, she was crying for me. I found it ironic that I had to comfort someone who was trying so much to comfort me.

Anyway, what I wanted to say, and someone else already summed it up, is that I envy that hand hold. I wish I knew someone who could hold my hand or wrap me in their arms for a bit and stroke my hair and tell me they'll help and that it will all be okay. I know it will be for both of us. It's just easier to feel it rather than know it sometimes. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Thanks.

~Shirlz