My first night on 2mg of Valium went fine! I'm 90% off these dreadful dirty narcotic benzos. I slept well and woke up at 5:00am. My moods are all over the place tho. Mixed, i guess. It's very unpleasant. Just got thru several hours of writing in my journal about what a gargoyle i am and how i must be a hermit and cut myself off from the world for my own protection. I went to a public transit rally today and my beloved city councilor did not recognize me tho i did have a sunhat, glasses and mask on and my hair is blue. It's hard to recognize people with lots of headwear on.

Anyways it made me feel small and depressed even tho the rally was good and i enjoyed the outing, there's a small art gallery at city hall i browsed and on the way back i saw the most amusing thing, an old man on the bus with a belt AND major suspenders on! I guess he was REALLY concerned that his pants not fall down! Anyways it was charming, people are so funny!

The Women's Group BBQ is tomorrow at 4:00pm and i have my exquisite bean salad all ready to go and my alcohol-free wine chilling but i feel cautious since today's rejection wounded me so deeply. I don't know if i'm strong enough to go to the BBQ and have to navigate the deep murky social waters. I'll have to play it by ear, it might be okay, everyone will be in the mood to celebrate and on their best behavior. I'll just have to see how my energy goes. I hope i go but i have doubt.