I went back into the hospital on the 13 th and stayed for 6 days. It was the best place for me at the time that I went in. I've been improving yet still struggling day by day. I feel like when I am asked by my support system how I'm doing that I'm truthful in the moment by telling them that I'm ok. But when I get alone or have any downtime to myself, I slip back into unhealthy thinking. I'm trying to be kind to myself and give myself time, but I'm tired of feeling like this. The only med change has been to take me off of an amphetamine. I wonder if some of this is withdrawal from that. At the same time, I've gone a few days without it before and have not felt like this. I'm struggling to pull myself out of this. It's miserable to be here.

We are still dealing with my relative's death. A suspect was arrested yesterday and a memorial service is on Saturday. I'm want to be with my family, but thinking about her service gives me anxiety. That's on top of the anxiety that I am feeling every evening.

I have had a pdoc appt this week and a session with my T that left me in tears and anxious even with her trying to work through some calming techniques with me. I talk to a case manager tomorrow and I have another session with my therapist on Friday. I'm trying, I don't know what else to do.

How long does it usually take you to snap out of depression. This is taking longer than it usually takes for me.